The 5/12 edition of RAW IS A PENCIL NECKED GEEK aired live from Philadelphia. I enjoyed much of the show, though a few things didn't click, and I fail to see anything on the RAW side selling many buys for the Judgment Day PPV. There was more emphasis on wrestling this week and less on the Steve Austin vs. Eric Bischoff controversy. The show opened with Christian in the ring, which was surrounded by a steel cage. He complained that Austin scheduled his cage match against Goldberg as the opening bout. He said the match should be cancelled on the grounds that no one wants to see the new people's champ (i.e., himself) brutalized in a cage. He also claimed to have a photo shoot tomorrow and said he can't show up for that with bruises. Jerry Lawler agreed with Christian, but Jim Ross said he had the limbertail. Austin came to the ring and got a zillion "whats" by making a series of snide comments about Christian. It appears, unfortunately, that Austin likes the "whats" because every time they started to fade, Austin would repeat whatever statement he had just made with more enthusiasm so as to jump start the "whats" again. Austin told Christian that Goldberg wasn't even at the arena yet so it wasn't time for his match. Christian said he asked backstage when the match was scheduled and that Austin had held up a finger to indicate it was match number one. Austin said he was just flipping Christian off. Christian, who kept referring to the crowd as his peeps (people), accused Austin of forcing him into this cage match because of resentment over losing to his close friend Rock at WrestleMania. Austin said he was trying very hard not to lose his patience. A "lose it" chant started. Austin threatened to pull Christian from the IC Title battle royal at Judgment Day if he didn't stop whining. Rob Van Dam then came out for no apparent reason, other than to note that he was entering the IC battle royal, which he vowed to win. Christian said if RVD thinks he's so great, he should take his place against Goldberg in the cage. Austin asked the crowd for a big "hell yeah" if they want to see Goldberg kick Christian's ass in the cage. Of course, they said "hell yeah". RVD asked them to chant "RVD" if they think he'll win the IC belt in the battle royal. So they chanted it. Christian then asked the peeps to shout "Christian rules" if they think he should be given the night off. No one said anything, so Austin said that proves the crowd thinks Christian sucks. Austin warned both RVD and Christian not to copy his material. He then told Christian to leave or get stunnered. Kane came out (yes, this was a long segment). He vowed to win the IC battle royal even if he has to go through his partner RVD to do it. RVD said he'll eliminate Kane if that's what he has to do. Austin said he sensed some tension between the tag partners, and recommended drinking some beer to alleviate it. At this point, Bischoff came out. He said that last week he promised to raise the bar, sarcastically informing Austin that he wasn't talking about the type of bar where you drink beer. Instead, raising the bar meant he had hired a team to challenge RVD & Kane for the World Tag Titles. Bischoff called this team the greatest of all time and said RVD & Kane have never faced them before. It turned out to be Hawk & Animal, the Legion of Doom. They came out to a good pop, and the match just sort of began (by the way, during this overly long segment the cage was raised back up).
RVD & Kane defeated the Legion of Doom to retain the tag belts in 3:11. Not too much heat once the match began. It wasn't a pretty match, though RVD stayed very active with his kicks and acrobatics. RVD hit a rolling thunder on Hawk after a kick. The finish looked really bad. Animal had RVD on his shoulders for the doomsday device, or devastation device, or whatever it's now being called. Hawk came off the top with the lariat, which RVD was supposed to duck. However, Hawk got such poor altitude that RVD essentially ducked nothing. Kane went to boot Animal in the face, which missed by a mile but Animal still sold it. Kane then chokeslammed Hawk and RVD frog splashed him for the three count. Not sure why they A) brought the LOD back or B) squashed them in three minutes after bothering to bring them back.
Trish Stratus was backstage getting her make-up applied for her scheduled hardcore bout against Victoria. Why wear make-up to a hardcore match? Anyway, Victoria & Steven Richards began taunting her. Victoria said Trish might someday get her women's belt back, but she'll never get her pretty face back after it gets smashed.
Highlights aired of last week's long Triple H vs. Kevin Nash brawl. Through the magic of editing and sound enhancement, it looked much better than it did live.
A heavily bandaged HHH visited Chris Jericho, who was scheduled to fight Nash in the main event. HHH said they were in a famous arena. Jericho asked what was so famous about it, given that every Philadelphia sports team sucks. HHH said it was famous because it was the arena where Nash tore his quad last year. Jericho noted that he was the one who tore HHH's quad two years ago. Technically, that tear was accidental but in storyline Jericho was sort of given "credit" for the injury. HHH noted that Jericho became Undisputed World Champion by milking the fame he got off of that. He then told Jericho he could advance his career again by injuring Nash. Jericho said that would also help HHH out by eliminating his Judgment Day opponent. They ended the segment by shaking hands, though there was some tension there as each had made some sarcastic comments about the other.
Goldberg arrived in his limo. As his door opened, a car roared by and hit it, knocking it shut. Goldberg was unhurt, since he hadn't yet stepped out. JR & Lawler sold it like it had been an attempted hit on Goldberg.
Theodore Long approached Austin, calling him a "playa". Austin asked not to be called that, but Long kept it up. He wanted Austin to put a "man of color" in the IC battle royal and kept plugging Rodney Mack. Austin said it was a great idea to put a man of color in the battle royal, which pleased Long until Austin informed him that the man of color he was talking about was Booker T.
Rodney Mack defeated Mike & Ken Phoenix in a white boy challenge handicap match in 1:30. At least these two white boys got their names mentioned. Long did (man of) color commentary again. He said Mack is "hungry", so Lawler suggested he should get a Philly cheesesteak. Might I recommend Tony Luke's, where I always used to go when I went to see ECW? Long said Austin is controlled by "the man", which is why he picked Booker over Mack. The rules here required Mack to beat both white boys in 5:00, and he forced them to submit at 1:05 and 1:30 respectively.
Jonathan Coachman tried to interview Bischoff about the car nearly running down Goldberg. Bischoff had no comment, and ran Coach off when he kept asking questions. Bischoff then encountered Freddie Blassie, who was in his wheelchair, accompanied by his wife (Blassie had the good taste to marry a Japanese lady years ago). Blassie was there to promote his new book (titled "Listen you Pencil-Necked Geek", and it should be great given the type of career Blassie had). Bischoff said the deal to hype Blassie's book was put together by his fired chief of staff (Chief Morley), and that with him gone, the deal was off. Bischoff acted like it would be beneath him to plug a book for Blassie. At this point, Rico walked up. He said Three Minute Waning, er, I mean, Warning have been in a slump for the past two months and asked Bischoff for some ideas to jump start their careers. Bischoff smirked and said he had an idea. So he returned to Blassie and told him he would plug the book after all. Everyone could see what was coming.
Austin visited Goldberg, who was furious and very intense with anger that someone had tried to run him down. Austin said he understood, given what had happened to him in the past. Goldberg said he didn't see the driver. I hope it wasn't Rikishi. Goldberg promised to take his anger out on Christian.
A promo for Confidential aired, and yes they're still exploiting the Miss Elizabeth tragedy.
Bischoff brought Blassie out to the ramp top and put over his book. He then began making fun of his age, saying he might have only three minutes left. Rosey & Jamal & Rico appeared in the ring. Bischoff wheeled Blassie down to ringside where the heel trio surrounded him. But before they could act, Austin came out. He unilaterally announced that he had lifted the suspension on the Dudleys, and out they came at full speed. A match began immediately....
The Dudleys defeated Three Minute Warning in 1:58. I guess this was a handicap match since Rico was involved. They did ring the bell to start the match, but there was no referee. The Dudleys laid all three foes out, but when Bubba started to ask for the tables, Austin stopped him. Instead, Blassie told D-Von to get the tables. The Dudleys put Rico through the table, which just sort of ended this impromptu match, I presume with a TKO victory for the Dudleys, though nothing was made official.
Hour two began with Goldberg defeating Christian in the cage match in 6:48. Christian came out with a chair, boasting that it was the chair Rock beat Goldberg up with a few weeks ago. He called it the people's chair. He swung it at Goldberg immediately but missed. Christian tried to climb out but Goldberg pounded him. Christian hit a low blow and retrieved the chair. He hit Goldberg with several chairshots, a couple of them pretty stiff. Christian also laid in the stomps. Christian almost climbed out (why he didn't just go through the door is a bigger mystery than the origin of UFOs) but got pulled back down. Christian went for a spear but Goldberg moved and Christian crashed into the cage, juicing big time. Goldberg hit the spear and jackhammer and pinned Christian clean in the middle, so I guess you could win this either by pinfall, submission, or escaping.
Jericho was shown doing warm-up exercises.
Austin encountered Ric Flair. Flair was friendly to Austin, but was also adamant that Austin should defer to HHH's demands since HHH is the guy who calls the shots. Hurricane popped up and said Nash will turn HHH into "Triple Bitch" at Judgment Day. Flair and Hurricane argued, so Austin told them to go ahead and fight it out, but to be sure to fight down toward the ring. Flair said he wasn't in his gear, but Austin didn't care and just said "ding ding" to start the match....
Flair beat Hurricane in 4:47. They fought out to the ring, including a brief skirmish at the announcers' desk which knocked Lawler's headset off. In the ring, Flair's pants got ripped and his ass exposed. Hurricane hit a bodypress for a near fall. Flair laid Hurricane out and did a strut. Hurricane chokeslammed Flair and did a strut of his own. Hurricane scored two after a shining wizard. Flair hit the chop block and began stomping the hell out of Hurricane's leg. He hooked the figure four and Hurricane tapped out. Flair was so elated to finally win one that he was bouncing all over the ring in celebration. HHH came out and congratulated him. He also gave Hurricane a pedigree and left him laying.
Scott Steiner & Test & Goldust beat La Resistance & Christopher Nowinski in 4:26. La Resistance ran down the U.S. over the Iraqi war and praised Nowinski as a rare American who isn't a barbarian. The babyfaces dominated until Test got tied up in the heel corner. Test hot tagged Steiner and he lit the lariats and suplexes on everyone. Rene Dupree took a major suplex bump. The finish saw everyone brawl out to the floor except Steiner and Nowinski. Steiner plastered Nowinski with his neckbreaker type move for the pin. Afterward, Stacy Keibler wanted to celebrate the win, but Steiner and Test remained a little aloof from one another.
Richards gave Victoria a pep talk.
JR & Lawler did a promo for Judgment Day, hyping the RAW matches, and then cut to Stamford where their colleagues Tazz & Michael Cole hyped the Smackdown bouts. Once again, so much for the brand separation, though I guess in its own way, it did sort of keep them separate.
Terri asked Jericho if he knew anything about the attempt to run down Goldberg in the parking lot. Jericho took offense and said if he was going to assault Goldberg, he'd do it man to man. He promised to win the IC belt at Judgment Day, and to beat Nash in the RAW main event.
Trish beat Victoria in a hardcore match in 4:45. Richards came out with Victoria, and to balance him off, Tommy Dreamer came out to support Trish. This got a good pop in Philly due to Dreamer's ECW popularity there. Trish did a headscissors takedown. They messed up a spot where Trish was supposed to kick a pan into Victoria's face, so they re-did it and got it right the second time. Trish did a really cool marital arts arch backward to avoid a shot from a garbage can lid. It was like in movies where someone arches backward like doing a limbo routine and then pops right back up. Victoria whipped Trish with a strap. Richards attacked Dreamer and tried to go after Trish, but Dreamer recovered and hit Richards with the kendo stick. Trish got the stick, walloped Victoria twice with it, and hit the Stratusfaction for the pin.
Kevin Nash vs. Chris Jericho ended inconclusively in either 6:55 or 8:13, depending on the call. Jericho deserves some type of special award for bumpng like crazy to make this a watchable match. Nash just did power moves and deflected blows, while Jericho was flying and bumping all over to make the match entertaining. Jericho finally hit a low blow and began working over Nash's leg (the one with the torn quad last year). He wrapped the leg around the ring post. Jericho hit a bulldog and a lionsault and scored two. At this point, which was the 6:55 mark, HHH & Flair ran in, which theoretically should have earned Jericho a DQ, though no call was made since they threw referee Earl Hebner out of the ring. Shawn Michaels ran in to help Nash. The heels quickly ejected Michaels, but Nash made a big babyface comeback. He gave HHH the snake eyes (looked a little weak) and then lariated him out. Michaels came back in and gave Flair the sweet chin music. Nash plastered Jericho with the jackknife and Michaels counted Nash's pin on him at 8:13, though I presume that didn't really count, but in WWE you never know. I guess Nash was sort of the winner either way. HHH came back in and Nash jackknifed him, with Michaels counting Nash's pin on him as well to end the show and set up the PPV showdown.
(Credit: 1wrestling)