"To me it was like a household name. Ever since it started those few years ago, I've loved it, and have been reporting it for almost its entire existence. But now, Jakked/Metal has come to an end, and although it may not be a big deal to you, it certainly is to me.

Hello all and welcome to the FINAL Jakked/Metal report. I am your host Matt Zylbert, and THIS is the 'five-star' 1Wrestling.com Jakked/Metal report that I'm sure you've always looked forward to reading every week. For those that don't know, Jakked/Metal is being replaced next week by Velocity, which I shall be doing. It's a different name, but it will almost be the exact same show. Velocity will feature the Smackdown brand in action, as well as Marc Loyd and Al Snow commentating, but to me it just won't be the same. There's nothing I can do about it though, so for the final time in Jakked/Metal's history, let's send it down to TONY THE CHIM for our last opening contest." (-Myself, one year ago)

Can you believe it's a year already since Jakked/Metal's final episode? Hello all and welcome yet again to the report that makes you ILL for the ZYL every week. I am your popular reporter Matt Zylbert, and THIS is the 'five-star' 1Wrestling.com Velocity Report that just can't stop being excellent. With three big Velocity matches set to take place, let's send it down to TONY THE CHIM for our opening bout...

Crash w/Shannon Moore & The Hardyz Book vs Spanky
Nice, looks like we've got Crash and Spanky in our opener, which I assume relates somehow to the Spanky/Shannon Moore match a few weeks ago here on Velocity. For the few who don't remember, it was Albert and the then-known-as Hugh Morrus who started us off on the last Jakked/Metal just one year ago, so of course, Crash and Spanky have got a lot of expectations to live up to.

Before the match, let me point out once again how awesome Crash's Titantron video is. I mean... it's Velocity humor! Okay, to the match as Crash manages a shoulder block to start, giving him time to let out the V1 pose. I remember when Shannon Moore taught him that. Crash tries to follow up with a hip-toss, but Spanky immediately counters with an abdominal stretch, one of which that lasts all of five seconds as Crash hip-tosses his way out of it. Following some kicks, Crash forces his opponent into a test of strength. That doesn't last long as Spanky is able to springboard his way out of it, and Crash ends up on the outside. As he and Shannon meet for a conference, Spanky interjects himself with a baseball slide, making contact with... the BOOK. Wow, that was a nasty bump for the book. Hey, it even sells better than Triple H! Get it? You gotta give me some credit for that. Crash takes control on the outside with some distraction from Shannon, and gets a two count back inside from referee Jimmy Korderes. He follows up with a suplex, before gaining another two count just moments later. "SOMEBODY CALL CAT'S MOMMA!" says Josh, in reference to Trish hosting Slammin' Saturday Night. As Cat even points out, why would she care? Unless her only reason to tune in is to see a diva in useless pre-taped, ten-second long segments during the commercials, then she has no reason to. Crash ends up getting another two count now proceeding some kicks, and then goes to the boot choke. Once he breaks it up, the Moore-On works a snapmare into a sit-down bow-and-arrow submission hold. Spanky gets out, and despite receiving a knee to the mid-section, he avoids a bump into the turnbuckle, enabling him to come right back with a running forearm. Spanky continues his current roll with a dropkick, backdrop, and a leg lariat, all in that order. Josh actually called that last one a side-salto kick, which if you remember was one of the moves in the repertoire of River Rat/Diamondback/The Jet. Maybe one day, Josh and Cat will figure it out. Crash is able to assume control once more as he knocks Spanky down for a near fall, but loses it after whipping his adversary into the corner. This enables Spanky to simply run up top and connect with a moonsault. Crash is able to stay alive though as he issues a back elbow, and then calls for Shannon to give him the book. Uh oh, it's the BOOK! That pesky book is always involved. I bet during the next production meeting, Triple H will show up and ask Steph to give it less TV time on Velocity. Shannon sneaks the book in the ring by sliding it through Korderes' legs just before distracting him, and Spanky and Crash end up in a tug-of-war over it. I guess everyone wants the book on their side. Crash ends up falling back, knocking Shannon off the apron, allowing Spanky to give his opponent Sliced Bread #2, giving him the proceeding 1-2-3. Solid match.
Winner: Spanky

Commercial

Rewind: Two weeks ago on Smackdown, Mr. McMahon is knocked back into Stephanie, just as he was trying to unmask Mr. America. Hogan then carried her to the back, which brings back memories of The Main Event in February 1989. Remember when he carried Miss Elizabeth (RIP) to the back? Well that was the last straw in the break-up of the Mega-Powers, so make your own conclusion here.

Josh and Cat intro highlights from Smackdown, that being part of Vince's opening promo, the Piper's Pit segment, and Vince telling Piper in the back that he's got the job of facing Hogan at Judgment Day. Yeah, and in dream world, I can't even see this PPV being a success. Not at ALL. And they should have O'Haire do the match, not Piper.

Commercial

The latest Kurt Angle promo airs. Come back soon, Kurt, we miss you. As a matter of fact, Smackdown is pretty much collapsing without you.

A-Train vs Kanyon
I don't know what to do here: Mark out like I always do for Albert being on Velocity, or cry in sadness of how 85% of wrestling fans STILL don't even know Kanyon is back. Several weeks ago, Kanyon made his return (On Velocity), explaining that he met a 104-year-old Tibetan Monk that told him to return to WWE to find the "one man" who is betta than Kanyon. Well Rhyno beat him that night... and Kanyon disappeared. Now he returns, for what could be an Albert Squash. I love the Albert Squash for than anything, but not when it's against a guy I like.

"Let me tell ya, my momma loves A-Train," says The Cat. SOMEBODY CALL HIS MOMMA then. Before the match, Kanyon gets on the mic to ask "Who betta than Kanyon?" before being attacked by Albert. So what exactly is Kanyon, face or heel? Albert knocks him down with a SCREAMING shoulder block, and I guess we're going to start Albert's awesome offense early. Oh man, I love this! Albert follows with a bodyslam, while on commentary, Josh refers to Albert as a "running locomotive." Hey, don't be stealing lines from the man you replaced (Marc Loyd) on Velocity. That's just... cruel. Especially since Loyd SHOULD be on TV (Besides the worthless syndicated recap shows), but you guys know that, considering I say it almost every single week. Albert misses an elbow immediately after, allowing Kanyon to capitalize with some punches. However, Albert reverses a whip into the corner, permitting him to connect on the I-Really-Really-Really-Like-To-Scream-Really-Loud-As-I-Run-Into-You corner ram. Man, I love that move! Albert follows up with some of his CLUBBY punches in the corner, before working in a short-arm clothesline. A Vader Bomb later gets A-Train a two count from referee Brian Hebner, and now he's getting in some kicks. Moments later, Albert works in the bearhug, to which Kanyon gets out quickly with some punches, but falls victim to a headbutt to the mid-section. Albert goes back to the bearhug, as the crowd can't contain their excitement anymore with dead silence. I don't get it, it's Albert and Kanyon... how can you NOT get psyched for this? Anyway, Kanyon keeps his arm up as he was almost declared out, and breaks out of the hold once again with some punches. He bounces off the ropes and lunges at Albert, only to get caught and powerslammed. A-Train now drags him over to the corner for another Vader Bomb, but ends up eating boot. Kanyon capitalizes with some offense of his own as he drop toeholds Albert into the buckle, permitting him to slam the hairy-one face-first into that same buckle a few times. He continues his current dominance with a pair of clotheslines, all of which knock Albert down. After avoiding a ram in the corner, Kanyon nails Albert with a reverse elbow from the second rope, gaining a two count on the pin after. On commentary, Josh acknowledges that Brian Hebner is having a baby boy, so congratulations to him. I always care about my Velocity referees, especially Hebner, since he made a heel turn on Jakked/Metal that was never acknowledged. He was part of the Alliance, if you didn't know, and Vince blew a potential father/son feud... with referees! As Kanyon starts to punch away now at his opponent, Albert seizes him in position for the Baldo Bomb, but Kanyon counters with a neckbreaker for another near fall. Kanyon now goes up to the second rope, and as he leaps off with an axe-handle, Albert blocks it, and then gives him the Baldo Bomb... err, Derailer to pick up the win. So I guess Albert's now better than Kanyon too. But I have a question: Who betta than Zylbert?
Winner: A-Train

Commercial

Josh and Cat show us more Smackdown highlights, this time being Torrie and Sable each giving us a preview for their Bikini Contest at Judgment Day. We've seen them in hundreds of bikinis, we've seen them in Playboy, so we've pretty much seen everything. I don't get how this Bikini Contest is supposed to be one of the main attractions of Judgment Day, although it does make sense. Judgment Day's going to be awful, so you might as well put your hope in a Bikini Contest.

Commercial

Burn of the Night: From Backlash, Big Show swings the stretcher with Rey Mysterio on it, right into the post. Must we see this every week on Velocity? I don't feel like going into the same Big Show rant every week.

Josh and Cat intro some more highlights from Smackdown, recapping The Big Show's kidnapping of Rey Mysterio, followed by Brock Lesnar making the save in the ring. I was actually at the Yankees/Angels game on Thursday (Unbelievable seats, four rows back in the section between the dug-out and homeplate; right behind the on-deck circle), and I'm glad to know that I really didn't miss anything worth watching on Smackdown. Plus, I got a foul ball! Props to Angels Second Basemen Adam Kennedy for tossing me a foul ball in the first inning. See, the trick is to show you're not a fan of the home team. I was wearing all of my Texas Rangers stuff (They had nothing to do with the game, but I'm a Rangers fan), so he saw me standing up and just tossed me the ball while he was on-deck. Either that, or he somehow knew I was the famous 'five-star' Velocity Reporter from 1Wrestling.com. Hey, it's possible.

Josh and Cat give us a run-down of the Judgment Day card. Oh lord, what a horrible show. As they were going through it, I turned on ESPN 2 to see if the National Spelling Bee was still on, but unfortunately, it was already over. And for those who forgot just like I did, Judgment Day is actually tonight. Hope Vince isn't expecting a good buyrate, otherwise he really does have problems.

Commercial

Rhyno vs Bill DeMott
So... is DeMott a heel again? I'm sorry but I still haven't gotten DeMott's disgraceful act as a face a few weeks ago in his match against Albert, so I'm not sure I can mark out for Bill DeSquash like I always do. I mean... the pictures in my mind of him encouraging the crowd not only remind me of him breaking character, but it almost erases the great memories of him squashing all those jobbers in the past. By the way, the main event from the last Jakked/Metal was Test and Christian against Mark Henry and Faarooq (With the Godfather interfering), so it's funny to see how none of those guys have really nothing to do with Velocity anymore. Well, Mark Henry could when he returns to television.

"I know one thing... he don't like you, kid," says Cat, in reference to DeMott's old thing of staring down Josh. So is he a heel again? At the start, both men tie-up and head into the corner, where referee Mike Sparks breaks it up. As he does that, DeMott attempts a cheap shot, but misses. That's always a characteristic of a heel. Both men now engage in a test of strength, and as DeMott has the upper hand, Rhyno comes back. As he is about to get DeMott on his knees though, the Jobber Squasher nails him with a kick to the mid-section, before delivering several chops. "Now who's the man beast!" yells DeSquash. I would say you, but I'm still trying to forget that face incident, Bill. Rhyno reverses a whip into the corner now, enabling him to follow up with a shoulder ram in the corner. DeMott comes back though with a back elbow, knocking Rhyno to the canvas. "Who's the man?" shouts DeMott. Well, I guess someone's really in the mood to interact this week. DeMott gets two now, before working a modified swinging neckbreaker, the one that Jamie Noble used a few times as his finisher. He gets two again, before going to the chinlock. Rhyno elbows out, but DeMott pulls him down by the hair, and then proceeds to yell, "Whooooo." It's like a Canadian version of Hacksaw Jim Duggan. DeSquash gets another two count, before stressing, "Shut your mouth!" to the crowd. I love when he screams. DeMott goes back to the chinlock, all the while saying, "He's out!" about seven times. Literally. All this screaming makes the Berzerker look like a quiet guy. Rhyno elbows his way out and comes roaring back (Not literally) with some punches, before knocking his foe down with a flying clothesline. He gets two, before losing control as DeMott manages a kick to the face. However, DeMott ends up running right into a spinebuster, and from there, DeSquash is ripe for the picking as Rhyno sets himself up in the corner, leading right into The Gore, for the big win. Good main-event, but I don't know how DeMott can just go back to being heel all of a sudden.
Winner: Rhyno

As I always say, another great show this week. Every match was good, but I really question what exactly the booking team is doing with Kanyon. If you're going to bring him back, then make sure he has something to do, rather than just job him to Velocity main-eventers. And for those who didn't hear, Chavo Guerrero was supposed to have a match on Velocity, but was injured about a minute in, thus explaining why he won't be at Judgment Day tonight, and also why the match wasn't shown. Although this doesn't matter to you, his opponent was JR Ryder, long-time Jakked Jobber who I would've loved to see on the show again. But the real story is that Chavo will be out for about six months, and he'll definitely be missed. Hey, maybe when he comes back, he'll return as a heel with his old music! That's something to look forward to.

"Well folks, this is it. It's the end of an era, and like I said, it may not be a big deal to you, but it certainly is to me. Next week I will be starting Velocity, but it's just not gonna be the same. No more K.K., no more Leary, no more Jakked, no more Metal.... before I make myself cry, let's end it hear. For the last time during Jakked/Metal's existence, this is Matt Zylbert wishing you guys a great week, and I'll see ya next week for the first ever Velocity. Peace." (-Myself, one year ago)

So one year later, let's see what happened to all of our great Jakked/Metal announcers: K.K. is gone, Leary was probably fired the second Jakked/Metal ended, Coach is enjoying success on HeAT, Marc Loyd has been reglected to the recap shows, Michael Cole is still doing horrible on Smackdown, Dr. Tom Prichard is a road agent or something backstage (And I met him in March!), and the same for Michael Hayes. No more Jakked, no more Metal... but there is Velocity, which thankfully has turned out to be just as good.