Best Match: Matt Hardy vs. Funaki (non-title). Josh called a flying headscissors as a “Mexican” headscissors. Can’t say I’ve heard that one before. At least he didn’t follow Michael Cole’s lead and call it a legscissors. This was a pretty standard match with both guys doing all their usual spots. There was a scary moment just before the finish where Funaki had Matt in the corner and then climbed to the top to set Matt up for a reverse tornado DDT. Matt fought out of it and tossed Funaki off the turnbuckle to the mat. It’s the same bump Ric Flair’s taken a zillion times, but Funaki almost didn’t get his head rotated around in time. Close call. Right after this Matt hit the Twist of Fate. Instead of pinning Funaki, Matt picks him up and hits another, then pins Funaki for the win.

Worst Match: A-Train vs. Joey Matthews. This match was actually the third consecutive one to start the show and I can’t recall the last time that happened on Velocity, or any other WWE program. Your basic A-Train vs. small guy match, except that Albert didn’t take one bump. He never even went down to one knee. Josh mentioned Matthews tag teaming with Christian York in ECW. A-Train gets the pin after the Canadian backbreaker.

The Nilton: Cat and Josh presented some strong candidates for The Nilton during the Hardy/Funaki match, but nothing could possibly trump the Kurt Angle video. It was unbelievable…just tremendous. Pardon me while I unabashedly mark out, but I didn’t think it was possible to love Kurt Angle any more than I already do. That video proved me wrong. GOD BLESS KURT ANGLE!

Overview: Your announcers are Josh Matthews and SHAT~! (Sorry Bryan, I just had to use that one time. It felt pretty good.)…..Shannon Moore (w/Crash) vs. Bill DeMott. DeMott tells another joke before the match. He’s still doing the Hugh Morrus stuff and this week the announcers were mentioning it more often. Both guys looked average. Crash took a few bumps when trying to interfere. They teased DeMott losing to a sleeper hold from Moore. Yeah, right. DeMott wins after hitting the Last Rites, which Josh tells us is called No Joke…..Jamie Noble vs. Orlando Jordan. Jordan has good size and we all know that can help you in WWE. Josh talks about Jordan’s athletic background including amateur boxing and wrestling, and says that Steph has signed him to Smackdown. Noble hit a dropkick to Jordan’s knee and Jordan sold it hard. He kept selling it consistently throughout the match. Jordan looked green in some spots but that’s to be expected. Plus, he was in there with Noble who is smooth as silk, especially in transitioning from move to move, point to point. Noble used a half crab/hammerlock combo that reminded me of something from T2P. God I love those crazy submissions. Jordan got a good nearfall after hitting a quick, hard powerslam a la Goldust. Finishing sequence went like this: Noble fought out of a backslide attempt, spun Jordan around, grabbed his leg and went to the mat sort of like he was going to do a dragon screw. With Noble on his back, Jordan just kneeled down on Noble’s shoulders and got the pin. Announcers sold it as a big upset. This was a close second for best match, thanks to Noble…..A-Train vs. Joey Matthews. See above…..John Cena comes to the ring. WORD LIFE! It’s time for a rap. Cena didn’t focus on another wrestler, he just rapped about himself, being on Velocity and got in a shot at Josh. Not one of his best raps, but fun all the same…..Clips from Smackdown of the lie detector test. What can I say about this that hasn’t already been said or thought?…..Kurt Angle video. See The Nilton…..Clips from Smackdown of the Misterio/Matt Hardy segment. Both guys were good in this, Matt especially…..Matt Hardy vs. Funaki. See above…..A good show overall, a bit above par.

Results: Bill DeMott b. Shannon Moore; Orlando Brown b. Jamie Noble; A-Train b. Joey Matthews; Matt Hardy b. Funaki