WWE Velocity Results: 10/23/04
By: RingInsider.com on 10/24/04
WWE Velocity
Hosted by Josh Mathews and Bill DeMott
Report by Matt Zylbert - BigShot5021@aol.com
The Dudleys vs The FBI & Funaki
For this week's opener, it's a six-man tag-match on Velocity! Yes! Believe it or not, Velocity has a history of a six-man tag-matches, though the last time we've had one was almost a year ago (mid-November), when The FBI defeated Rikishi, Scotty 2 Hotty, and Orlando Jordan. Only a few weeks before that, the FBI beat Rey Mysterio, Ultimo Dragon, and Billy Kidman in a pretty awesome match. And while it's nice to see them continuing the feud here between the Dudleys and FBI, I'd like to see them explain how Funaki and the FBI got together, otherwise Nunzio forgot that Funaki once beat him in one of the biggest upsets in Velocity history. Or maybe Funaki forgot that he once teamed with Los Guerreros in a six-man tag on Velocity and lost to the FBI. If you're a first-time reader and wondering how I remember all of this, then you obviously don't know my mind only consists of Velocity.
Josh: "We're gonna talk all about the Million Dollar Tough Enough casting special that happened this past Thursday night on Smackdown. We got a lot to get to and only 60 minutes to do it."
Bill: "We're gonna need a lot more than 60 minutes to talk about my weekend."
Josh: "I know you were angry, but mann."
Bill: "What, I'm a people person."
Josh: "Yeah, yeah you're a real people person."
Bill: "I'm the same guy in the ring, or on the beach, or behind the announcer's table."
It's funny Bill says that because after being reminded of his other personality on Tough Enough, I have come up with the conclusion that he has two alter-egos. There's no way a guy can be so funny and laid-back on commentary, yet be totally different doing something else. Or maybe it's just for Tough Enough because remember, he did give us a few shoot-esque rants about TE when it was first announced. To our match now, hey, look, the FBI have new matching tights! Green on the front-half, then red on the back-half with their names. 'Tis a nice look, says I. Anyway, it looks like Spike and Nunzio are gonna start us off, but D-Von clotheslines the Sicilian Shooter from behind, so it looks like he's starting instead of "The Boss." That may be the single greatest strategy in the history of tag-team wrestling. D-Von stands on the head of Nunzio now, while also yelling, "Who's the man?!" You are, Reverend! Nunzio counters an Irish-whip into a small package for two, before catching D-Von off guard with a kick to the face. A dropkick later gets him another near fall, so he tags out to Stamboli. As the crowd gets a "Dudleys Suck" chant going, D-Von sneaks in a rake to the eyes, enabling him some punches. Stamboli comes right back, however, with a diving shoulder tackle, and even nips right back up. Still, D-Von goes to the eyes again, permitting him to tag in Bubba. Stamboli knocks him down with a shoulder block after being whipped out of a headlock, and blocks a hip-toss that leads to a clothesline for two. Tag to Funaki, with Bubba pleading, "No, no, not him!" Nobody wants to get in the ring with Funaki. He works stiffer than Bob Holly, ya know. Stamboli holds him for a double axe-handle from Funaki to the arm, and goes to the arm-bar. Bubba Irish-whips him away, and Funaki sunset flips as a result. The Dudley drops down and misses, enabling Funaki to connect with a low-dropkick to the face. Funaki gets two and goes back to the arm-bar, but that does not work as Bubba gets his way out of it and whips him into the heel corner. Sho-Fu manages to knock D-Von and Spike off the apron, all before side-stepping a Bubba Ray charge and rolls him up for two. As Funaki bounces off the ropes now, D-Von grabs his foot from the outside. The former Reverend eats a slingshot baseball slide for his troubles, as Funaki ends up on the apron, where Bubba tries to suplex him back in. Funaki floats over, though, and runs off the ropes, but is whacked with a hard clothesline that didn't even come close to actually hitting him. I'm not sure what went wrong there but something definitely did.
On offense now, the Dudleys proceed to dominate as Spike illegally sends Funaki outside, while Bubba distracts referee Nick Patrick. With that done, D-Von lifts and drops Funaki face-first over the barricade. Back in, Spike tags in, as Bubba holds Smackdown's Number One Announcer for a double axe-handle. Spike follows it up with some punches and the Dudley Stomp in the corner, as Bill talks about how "animosity" is the middle name of every Dudley. "You're crazy, you know that?" points out Josh. Oh that Bill DeSquash, he's been crazy for years. Same with you, Josh. After a springboard knee to the throat, Spike tags out to D-Von, who hits an open shot to the mid-section. A snapmare later leads to a FUJI NECK VICE, as Bill says D-Von is "jakked." I marked out for that comment because I miss Jakked/Metal more than you can imagine. And while I'm pretty sure WWE 24/7 will be airing old episodes of Tuesday Night Titans, where you can see Fuji Vice, but is there any word on if they'll be showing old episodes of Jakked/Metal? If they do, I am getting Direct TV or whatever service it's on JUST for that. And by "just," I mean, "I am really, really, really hoping I can see old Just Joe matches on Jakked/Metal." Focusing on the match as Funaki punches out of the hold, but runs into a snap-powerslam for two. Tag to Spike, who comes in and works a knee to the mid-section, before resorting to the chinlock. Funaki The Magnificent escapes once a-gayne, and reverses an Irish-whip into the corner, with Spike taking a hard chest-first bump into the buckle. He tries to prevent the tag, but Funaki cleans his clock with a Funakiguiri. Down goes Spike like a sack of meat and potatoes (Of the FBI!), and Funaki capitalizes with the HOT HOT HOT tag to Johnny The Bull. He comes in and just absolutely cleans house, first by overpowering Spike with a shoulder block, clothesline, before launching him up in the air as high as I have ever seen anyone go, for an alley-oop slam. Spike went so high that he almost went OFF camera. D-Von comes in and receives a backdrop. Same fate for Bubba, who is planted with a scoop slam. Stamboli continues his current dominance with a military-press slam to Spike, double-clothesline to both Dudleys, sidewalk slam on D-Von, and eventually tossing Bubba off the top-rope. Immediately after, Stamboli issues a spinebuster to Spike for two as D-Von breaks up the pin, so now Funaki and Nunzio get involved, meaning, IT'S BREAKIN DOWN ON VELOCITY. Yay, Josh said it this week, but in a very low tone for some reason. After Nunzio and Funaki dispose of Bubba and D-Von to the outside, they proceed to Spike, as the FBI holds Spike for a Funaki diving headbutt to the crotch. They then stack all Dudleys in the corner, allowing them to whip Bubba Ray into all of them. Bubba and D-Von go outside again, where Funaki takes them both out with a sweet high-crossbody from the top rope. Back inside, Spike rakes the eyes of Stamboli, giving him a chance for the D... D... DUDLAY DAWG, but Stamboli counters by turning into a backbreaker. He holds him in position for Nunzio to get to the second rope, and they complete the Kiss of Death legdrop. Stamboli covers and has the three-count, but D-Von has the ref busy, so Bubba sneaks in and lands a big elbow drop to the back of the head of Stamboli. For some reason, this is enough to knock The Bull out, and Spike crawls over, drapes his right arm over him, and gets the 1-2-3. Excellent six-man tag-match, despite the blown clothesline spot. This was a very enjoyable 12 minutes of action, not to mention a legit ***. I say it every week, but this match further proves my point: If you're not watching or taping Velocity every week, you're really missing out.
Winners: The Dudleys
Commercial
Josh and Bill intro highlights of the Tough Enough casting special, which got the competition out to a really good start, in my opinion. Al Snow and the Human Humvee (Al's nickname for Bill) are your two lead trainers once again, even though Al isn't even part of Smackdown. Bill, meanwhile, will be open to many shots (Ex. Torrie, Alice, Jack LeLane, DTP, sell you a bridge in Brooklyn, etc.) if any of these contestants watch Velocity. Unfortunately, I doubt they do. Our most controversial cast members seem to be The Miz from Real World, and some guy who looks, talks, and acts exactly like Jeremy Shockey. Those two have to be related. And did anyone notice one of the guys who didn't make it looks a lot like a younger version of Dr. Tom Prichard? I mean, he had the EXACT same hair.
Commercial
Rewind: From Smackdown, Chavo Guerrero makes his big return, and even though he was a heel who turned on Eddie Guerrero, he gets an ovation here. In his showdown with Billy Kidman, he beats him up a bit and clotheslines him to the outside. I didn't watch WCW much so I'm not too familiar with their history there, but Chavo and Kidman had some GREAT Jakked/Metal and Velocity matches in the past so I'll be looking forward to see them go at it again. Their biggest match of note, of course, took place on the last ever episode of Jakked/Metal, which I still remember like it was yesterday. Kevin Kelly, if you're reading this, I still remember your exact words for Kidman's bump into the post that match- "Hit, hit, boom, boom, ow, ow."
The Big Show vs Akio
Akio on Velocity! Akio on Velocity! Oh, wait, he's always here. I meant to mark out for that other guy in this match, considering how rare it is for him to be here, but I care about Akio a lot more. Nonetheless, Big Show, a Smackdown main-eventer and a former WWF Champion, is making his first Velocity appearance since squashing two jobbers earlier this year in a handicap match. Overall, this is his third Velocity appearance (He came to the ring with Albert once while he squashed Funaki), and second Velocity match.
Akio's entrance is always very entertaining to watch, usually for his great theme music, awesome cocky grin, and his Rock-like pose standing on the second turnbuckle. He doesn't do that this week, but watching him point to the Big Show from the entrance and watching him bang the apron, apparently showing that he's ready, brings a tear to my eye. Unfortunately, this will most likely be a squash. To the match now as Akio administers a dropkick to Show that has almost no effect. He goes for a second one, but Show simply swats him away and tosses him into the corner, as Josh points out Akio is a top contender for the Cruiserweight Title. Good point, Akio's zero wins in 2004 will always keep him near the top of the Cruiserweight division. From there, Show misses a charge, and Akio capitalizes with a right hand. Again, almost no effect, and it only pisses off the Big Show. As a result, Show tosses Akio back into the corner, where he levels him with an open-hand chop. A big hip-toss and clothesline later, Akio heads outside, calling a time-out, but as Bill wisely points out, "There's no time-outs in Sports Entertainment!" Or maybe he pulled a Chris Webber and called one when he didn't have any. Big Show pulls Akio up from the outside by his hair (!!) and hip-tosses him back in. Soon after, Show gives him a military-press slam, then gives his signature "AHHHHHHHHH" scream before the end, only this time, it seemed longer and louder than usual. Who does he think is? Sakoda? Show follows up with his big Chokeslam, and that's all she wrote. You can't spell "sasquatch" without "squash." I know this was just a squash to put over the Big Show, but Akio didn't deserve this at all. At least his hair stayed in a ponytail, which I believe is a first for him after finishing a match.
Winner: Big Show
Commercial
Highlights from the oversears tour is shown. Wow, looks like the FBI are idolized across the globe and not just on Velocity. Do they get Velocity in Italy? That could be a huge ratings boost.
Josh and Bill intro a highlights package from Smackdown, this one detailing the events Booker T went through. After talks with Theodore Long, RVD & Mysterio, and JBL & OJ, Booker T made his face-turn in the "Champions Showcase" main event, even getting the pin on JBL. I liked how this played-out. Booker had as much intensity as I have ever seen him have, and his pinfall over the champ sets up for what should be a decent feud, hopefully with Booker becoming the new champion in the end.
Commercial
Kurt Angle vs Hardcore Holly
Oh. My. God. Once upon a time, back in June 2002 (The third or fourth Velocity episode ever), Kurt Angle and Hardcore Holly had a nice little main event that culminated with Angle stealing the win by using the ropes. That was so long ago that Teddy Long was the REFEREE for that match, and Jamie 'By God' Noble made his WWE debut that night. Now, more than TWO years later, it's the inevitable re-match, as Kurt Angle is making his first Velocity appearance since that very night. If this isn't a main-event, I don't know what is. And as much as most of us dislike Holly, he has actually worked a few good matches with Angle in the past besides that Velocity match so this one should be meet their standards.
To our main event now as we get some mat-wrestling to start, leading to a stand-off between the two rivals, as Josh and Bill acknowledge the history between these two, including when Angle broke Holly's arm. Has Michael "Nat King" Cole ever brought that up? I don't think so. They go at it again soon after, with Angle grabbing a headlock that leads to a shoulder block. Holly comes right back, however, with a hip-toss and an arm-drag, resulting in Angle backing off into another stand-off. Another sequence proceeds right after, this time with Holly taking the early headlock. He gets a shoulder block and a pair of arm-drags as well, before going to a waistlock position. Angle elbows out, but as he charges at his foe by the ropes, Holly gives him a BIG backdrop over the top, and we head to a...
Commercial
Back from break, Holly is working over Angle in the corner with some of his signature stiff chops, as I miss the days of Bill's old "That's for...!" routine after each Bob Holly chop. Bring it back, Bill! Please! I crave for Velocity nostalgia, even if it was only a few months ago. Holly tries to continue his current offense with an Irish-whip, but Kurt reverses and Bob goes chest-first into the corner. He stumbles back into a beeeautiful German suplex. Angle goes for another one, but Holly blocks it and goes around. Angle, in turn, blocks Holly's attempt, and as he goes for the ropes, he ends up grabbing referee Brian Hebner. As Hebner is distracted, Angle delivers a low-blow with the boot, to Holly, who was still behind him. Angle capitalizes with some punches and a rib-buster for two. He follows that up with a front-face suplex, only instead of doing it on the canvas, he drops Holly stomach-first over the top-rope. He covers and gets another near fall, so now he goes to a sit-down waistlock submission hold, only pulling on the mid-section. Holly manages to elbow out, but runs into an overhead belly-to-belly suplex, and Kurt gets two once again. Chinlock time, which does not garner a submission as Holly punches out. They engage in an exchange of punches, which Holly wins. Angle grabs a headlock to thwart the punching, so Holly whips away, and both men up going head-to-head in a collision. They're both down and eventually get up, with Hardcore gaining the upper hand after ducking an Angle clothesline. He scores with a back elbow and a pair of clothesline, before connecting with the DROPKICK THAT BEAT A-TRAIN for two. Angle charges at Holly in the corner soon after, but eats a boot to the face. Despite whiffing on a clothesline seconds later, Holly blocks another Angle-attempted German suplex, and counters with a pretty modified roll-up that I thought he could never do, for two. Holly goes for the Alabama Slam next, and although Angle grabs the ropes, Holly just simply turns around and delivers the Alabama Crunch. A reverse DDT is the result from Holly, but that only gets a near fall. Bob now heads up to the high-rik district, where he connects with a very ugly top-rope clothesline for two. Josh covered it by saying it was a top-rope Lou Thesz Press, but not even close. Holly seeks more offense on the follow-up here, but his Irish-whip attempt is countered into another overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Angle takes advantage and hits the Angle Slam... for two?!? WHAT? If someone can give me a logical explanation as to why Thurman Bob Sparky Plug Holly was allowed to kick out of the Angle Slam (Without any delay from Kurt on the pin), I will consider you a Lanny Poffo genius. To try and finish him off finally, Angle applies the Ankle Lock, but Bob kicks him away. Holly tries to capitalize with the Alabama Slam, and thankfully does not succeed as Angle punches free, allowing him to sunset flip Holly. He then turns that into his awesome modified version of the Ankle Lock where he has his legs wrapped around, and Holly tap, tap, taps at around ten minutes. Great main-event, as expected. Angle is good with anyone, and that point is further established here in how he just brings out the best from Bob Holly.
Winner: Kurt Angle
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